party-goer?

Is it weird that I am just not that much of a party-goer?

I mean, don't get me wrong, they can be fun if its gonna be all my friends cause at least then i can talk to some one while everyone is getting drunk. But for some reason I just never really have a major desire to go out and party. I like to dance and stuff but what people do now isn't really dancing, its more of just sex on the dance floor. Its like one big orgy of people fully clothed and standing up while music plays in the background. Not to mention most of the girls there are just drunk and looking to get fucked and personally, since I don't drink, it is not very appealing to me to dance with a drunk chick who reeks of alcohol. Maybe that is why I am not much of a partier, maybe its because I don't drink I just don't feel parties are a good use of my time. I mean yeah I could meet a lot of cool people and stuff, but for some reason when ever people ask me to go to a party with them I just, don't want to.
I just feel like, since I don't drink or really like to party that I am missing out on a giant key element to the whole college life thing. But I don't know what I should do. Should I go to parties even if they are not that appealing to me just to try and meet new people and stuff? Should I try drinking to see if that maybe loosens me up? Or should i just stay home all the time while my friends go out and party and go to clubs and come back talking about what a great time they had? I guess I just don't know what to do but for now i will just continue to do my thing and chill at home until something come along that sounds fun to me.

Does it always have to be goodbye?

Why do people think that at the end of relationship that you are required to lose that person. Why is it so hard for people to just realize that just cause they didn't work out in a relationship that they cant be friends anymore? Why cant people just say "Hey, you know what, we didn't make it in a relationship, we just weren't right for each other that way but, you are still a cool person and we should be friends."? I mean there have been some people who have been a big part of my life and then vanish with barley so mush as a good bye just cause we were right for a relationship like that.
I have always been one just to try and see it that way, that all breaking up means is that you just aren't right to be with each other that way. But I mean there was obviously something that made me like you and want to be your friend before and has that thing really changed? Why cant we just be friends after a relationship with out people thinking that it is weird. I don't know maybe I'm the weird one on this or maybe its because I just don't like losing people, maybe its because I try to see people as people, and try to treat them all the same whether we are dating, friends, co-works or even just strangers. Well at least I say I am this way and I do these things but who really knows.
I have had a few people who i have been able to keep as friends after a relationship and from what I can tell it has been great we have almost been closer then some of my other friends, because there are things that you tell people when you are in a relationship that maybe you wouldn't say to your normal friends, and so after you are almost better friends cause you know more about each other. But then maybe you are suppose to go your separate ways after a relationship. Maybe it is for the better of both people, maybe it is a way of taking what you have learned from this experience and move on and apply it to new places and people. But to do this do you really have to stop being friends with the person you once used to love? Well i don't know what the right way of doing it is but for me i wish to try and stay friends with some of the people I date. I mean maybe some of them show there true selves to you when you are in this relationship and that is why you break up cause your true selves don't mesh, and that is completely understandable and ok to go your separate ways afterwards, but not all relationships are like this. Sometimes it just doesn't feel right or the feelings fade. You cant control what your heart feels and what happens, so why punish a person for it. Why stop being there friend just cause they don't feel the same way as you?
Well now I think I am just rambling, but I think that is kind of the reason i started this whole blog thing so oh well :) I just wanted to get that off my chest. so for now, I bid you all a good night TTFN.

Life can only be understood backwards

I know I just did one but I feel like this one should have its own space and its own title cause it is different from the one I just did. This one is more serious. After seeing the button movie I just feel like things are weird. I just feel almost kind of sad but I don’t know. Its like the feeling I would have on a Saturday or if I just spent a whole day sleeping, its not a sad but almost a melancholy. I feel the need for slower softer almost sadder music but I am not sad. I feel like I am thinking more about the way things are and the way they are going to be and the way they were. I am wondering about where my life will go, if I will complete all my dreams before my time is up, will I have that perfect love that just completes me and my life, will I have the kids that I have dreamt about having (not soon of course but some day). I feel like I want to just get a motorcycle and just drive until I cant drive any further and then change directions and drive more, then either fly or take a boat somewhere and drive more. I want to see the world and explore as many things as I can, I want to meet as many new people from new places as I can. I want to live in as many different places as I can. At least, that is what I want now, but one day that may not be what I want and so I don’t know if I will regret not doing that if that day comes (if that even makes sense) . I also have no idea what I want to do with my life or what I will end up doing with it. Will I get stuck doing some job that I don’t like just to support my family, but then will I not care that much because I am supporting my family? There are just so many questions I have that I know will go unanswered until the answer just hits me in the face. I try my best not to worry about it or be afraid of it but just to keep going until the day comes when it hits me and on that day I will start to worry about it, and so far I think I am doing a good job of it. But there are always those days where it is just a weird day and everything comes flooding out of the closed door and it takes a little while to put it all back until I go in there and get it. I heard a saying once that the only way to understand life is backwards but it must be lived forwards and so I guess that is how all this started. During the movie that quote went through my head and so I just stated think backwards through my life but I don’t think I have lived long enough for it to make sense yet. So for now I’ll just wait and see where everything goes.

First blog

this is the first blog i have ever done. And here it goes...

I had a great day today had a wonderful water polo practice/open pool (which is what I'm suppose to call it). I also watched the movie The Curious Case of Benjamin Button which was a great movie. Also i would like to thank Michelle for that wonderful shout out (which yes i think they still say) it made my day :) and i would like to make one back to her. "Hi Michelle" k thats it for the first one ttfn