Life can only be understood backwards

I know I just did one but I feel like this one should have its own space and its own title cause it is different from the one I just did. This one is more serious. After seeing the button movie I just feel like things are weird. I just feel almost kind of sad but I don’t know. Its like the feeling I would have on a Saturday or if I just spent a whole day sleeping, its not a sad but almost a melancholy. I feel the need for slower softer almost sadder music but I am not sad. I feel like I am thinking more about the way things are and the way they are going to be and the way they were. I am wondering about where my life will go, if I will complete all my dreams before my time is up, will I have that perfect love that just completes me and my life, will I have the kids that I have dreamt about having (not soon of course but some day). I feel like I want to just get a motorcycle and just drive until I cant drive any further and then change directions and drive more, then either fly or take a boat somewhere and drive more. I want to see the world and explore as many things as I can, I want to meet as many new people from new places as I can. I want to live in as many different places as I can. At least, that is what I want now, but one day that may not be what I want and so I don’t know if I will regret not doing that if that day comes (if that even makes sense) . I also have no idea what I want to do with my life or what I will end up doing with it. Will I get stuck doing some job that I don’t like just to support my family, but then will I not care that much because I am supporting my family? There are just so many questions I have that I know will go unanswered until the answer just hits me in the face. I try my best not to worry about it or be afraid of it but just to keep going until the day comes when it hits me and on that day I will start to worry about it, and so far I think I am doing a good job of it. But there are always those days where it is just a weird day and everything comes flooding out of the closed door and it takes a little while to put it all back until I go in there and get it. I heard a saying once that the only way to understand life is backwards but it must be lived forwards and so I guess that is how all this started. During the movie that quote went through my head and so I just stated think backwards through my life but I don’t think I have lived long enough for it to make sense yet. So for now I’ll just wait and see where everything goes.